A dog is a DOG

Dog wisdom courtesy of Patrick Burns @ http://terriermandotcom.blogspot.com:

A dog is a DOG.

Canis lupus familiaris.

It is NOT a “fur baby.”

It does not speak English. It speaks DOG.

You cannot warn a dog about consequences, or explain to them why you are taking away their allowance.

A dog does not have morality, does not believe in heaven, and does not fear hell or what his grandparents will say when they find out.

If you punish a dog in the afternoon for what it did in the morning, it has no impact at all.

Not so with a child.

Know how to read dog and know how to speak dog — it will save you a lot of time.

A dog eats on the floor and it eats dog food. As a rule, this is discouraged with children.

A dog needs a collar and a tag and it needs it to be walked on a lead for 30 minutes twice a day at the very least. Do this with a child and child protective service may be called.

A dog should sleep in a crate at night. Do this with a child and child protective services WILL be called.

Do not give your dog the remote control to your TV and expect it to change channels. It will eat the remote, and you will have a very expensive veterinary bill.

Do not give your dog a computer. It will not turn it on, but it will eat your couch because it got very bored because you did not understand that dog’s basic needs are NOT the same as a child’s (or a fish or an elephant or a parrot).

Do not give your dog a book. It will only eat it.

Do not expect your dog to crap inside the bowl. If you do, it will crap on the rug.

Do not send your dog to a public school; they will not train your dog for you. Instead, they will turn your dog over to the pound where it will be put down, if unclaimed, within 3-5 days.

For more on dogs and dysfunction, see >>


People who raise perfectly acceptable children may have dogs that are completely out of control.

Job One with a dog is to accept the dog AS A DOG.

A dog has different mental, exercise, social, and communication needs than a human.

It is NOT a child any more than it is a horse, or an elephant, or a squirrel or a fish.

A dog has a limited brain and the smartest dog does not think much better than a brain-damaged 4 year old. Accept this. A dog is not a child.

Dogs see colors differently than humans, and get most of their communication from scent. A dog is not a child.

Dogs are 100% fluent speakers of DOG but they generally only know 5 or 6 words of your language. A dog is not a child.

Dogs are social pack predators and meat-loving carnivores. They consider it normal to roll in shit and eat it too. They greet each other by sniffing butt, and they drink from the toilet if they have no other access to water because they do not have opposable thumbs to turn on a tap. Many dogs have strong prey drives and some will kill your neighbor’s cat as quick as you can say “Bob’s your uncle”

In short, a dog is not a child.

It is a dog.

Acceptance of this is the First Step to having a proper relationship with your dog.

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  1. Posted October 20, 2010 at 11:06 PM | Permalink

    Well, actually it does have an impact. The dog will learn that you get angry with him out of the blue for no reason whatsoever and that he cannot trust you.

  2. Posted October 21, 2010 at 1:41 AM | Permalink

    Very true, Jana.

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